True feelings, Untold stories.

"It feels ... empty.
no pain, no anger, no love.
its as blank as an empty bottle.
weird, i can't hear a single thing.
What is he saying? ..why is he leaving? .."
those were the last moment i remembered when you were still beside me
IG- lgjp.rfj (c)
that was how i felt back then, or maybe how i wish it was.
I'm in denial, i know i can put them to words,
but i don't want to hear them, maybe
i don't want to admit it.
how i felt was.. terrible.

"ahh, it getting crumpled.
it hurts, i might hit on anyone i see, i loved you.
it like a message written in a squeezed paper.
you wont get to see it the more crinkled it gets.
i hear everything he says..its like i'll still remember them tomorrow.
he's tired of everything, he said.
he's leaving.. i can't complain anymore.
ahh, it ended."
 those were the actual thoughts i had.
i must be an idiot for love.
it wasn't empty at all ..
My feelings were overflowing..
pain, anger, loneliness, fear, love.
no one would understand, no knew how everything fell apart.
how instincts turned out to be true.
how trust slowly faded away.
how i fell deeper in love with him as we take one step away from each other
how much courage was needed to tell you, "thank you for everything you had done."
how hard it was when i told him for the last time, how much i loved him.
how hard it was, when i had to walk away from him when i wanted to hold on to him badly.
how hard it is to hide everything i feel, when all i ever wanted was tell the world.
how much of a difference life was after you walked away.
how i drowned myself in our memories, as i had to let go..
of someone for their own happiness, even if it didn't include myself.


" between the lines .. i cried a river hoping my feelings would disappear as it flows away."

 Fictional, Road for Joy, 2016. (c)


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