Feelings under Fire.

i don't hate you, i hate feelings.
As it slowly takes over my mind
as i slowly forget about myself, because i didn't love myself enough
as i slowly love you a lot more, because you changed me for the better

Yet i love you, that i forgot love is also a feeling.
as i get so used to it , i couldn't imagine not feeling that way.
as i get so used to it, i only see the good things about you,
as i get so used to it, i didn't think that it could ruin me.

i don't hate you, i hate me when i get feelings.
When everything about myself no longer matter
as long as you're happy
when i hate myself a lot more when you start to hate me
when everything is about you, and i unconsciously destroy me.

And still i loved you, and i have no words to explain that feeling.
even if i was just blinded by what i want to believe.
even when you choose to be else where rather than beside me.
even when this feeling did end up destroying me.

I don't like it when you make my heart melt.
I don't like the tingling feeling I get when you are close by.
I don't like how messed up my feelings gets whenever you're around.
I don't like how warm it feels to be in your arms.
i hate having feelings.

but you see, I like it when you're here
I like it when for once in a long time I get feelings.
I like the idea of just being able to be around you, no matter how messed up it gets
and that warm feeling I get ?, I just can't get over it.

i really liked you that i hated me.


Road For Joy 2020 (c)
Feelings Against Reality III









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