Road For Joy

i like you.. i'm not sure why .. it's not like you were always close by in fact you were no where near ever. i like you.. For the little things you unintentionally do.. the simple sweet gestures which gives me butterflies.. the lame jokes that i wish was true. the serious side of yours that doesn't last long i like you.. it started out with a little interest and a little curiosity .. I didn't have the chance to get to know you well but from a distance, i started to like you.

When the rain starts to fall... And when the sun rises... when i take one step away.. and when the truth is revealed. is it okay for me to stay ?... Before i go to sleep.. Right after i wake up.. when falling in love is no longer a good thing. when loving  you is no longer controllable. when leaving you is already impossible. is being left behind my only choice?.. do i just accept the pain and move forward.. will i be able to forget you if i try? would you even care if i leave? How different will my life be if you're no longer around? will it hurt less if i can no longer see you ? Can't you just tell me to leave?.. as it may be a lot more acceptable later. and it may be a lot more easier afterwards. Because i love you, i'll always choose to stay.. i'd choose you over anything else. No matter how much it may hurt. even if i'd cry. i'll still choose to be with you. Just tell me to leave.. so i'll be easier for me to understand why...

Should we just stop? should we just go back when everything just seems like a game? Should we just let go and live on our own? Should we just go on and live with out having each other around? Because it seems that nothing is working out. Because it seems like there is nothing left to hold on. But does it usually feels this way? i'd stay even if there's nothing left to hold on to. i'd still look out for you when I no longer have to. I would miss you enough.. or a little too much when i'm not suppose to. why now, when everything had ended? Saying I'm fine.. Saying it's going to be alright as long i have people around. No, it doesn't seem to work that way.. I'd look around for you. I'm sorry, I still do think of you. if only i could, i'd run back to you and confess.. "That i didn't mean everything i said. That i only want you to care.. that i miss you that i love you.. i really do love you.. Will you still accept som...

i dont know what to say. sometimes, i want you to stay. sometimes i wish you'd never come back and just live your life without me. I get confused.  Just how much do i actually love you? enough to let go of you, for you. stupid right?.. your were sincere,  i know. Appreciated. but is love enough? are these feelings enough to stay?  well it wasn't  for me.. it only means being hurt all over again. being alot more stupid again. i've had enough of those painful memories. Distance has always matter, Time never cooperated. everything felt wrong, including telling you how much i care. so i didnt bother,  with my strongest will i hid every feeling so i can be around you, so no one has to get hurts, or maybe so i wont go through the same old love story again, nothing was easy,  everything had to be thought of properly coz i had to give up before even given the chance to try. Letting go, when nothing has started. and Holdin...

" i missed you.. to the point where i would fly all the way to you if i could." " i did everything i could, Everything to keep myself distracted, everything to forget how it was to have you, i tried my hardest, used my strongest will to let go of you" " but damn.. nothing worked out" I told myself, " let's change.. everything" To be someone i never expected myself to be was what i basically aimed for. To let the Hidden characteristics that even i never knew i had come out of its cave. to have you regret, hoping that maybe you'd regret. But eventually fails.. Because i'd go back to how i usually am whenever you're around. to the old " ME" ..  the one who'd let anyone hurt her because she's used to it. the one who'd bottle up the anger she has, so everything stays peaceful. the one you fell in love for... The one you loved.. to that idiot weakling. with hopes of maybe you'd lov...

She wanted attention. she wanted to be loved ... not just by anyone, but, the person she loves.. she gave her best to prove to him.. that she could be what he ever wanted  if only he gave her the chance.. She wanted to be the reason he smiles.. she was always right behind him.. But he never turned around  to look at her... he was too dense to notice.. he's always looking at someone else  the way she  wish he'd looked  at her. . She, who loves him in everyway.. chose his happiness,  instead of her own. A happiness  where she is never a choice. She, who never had the courage  to tell him how she feels.. gave up without even trying. She, who never had the chance quietly walks away.. and he'll never know, someone loved him enough to hurt herself.. when she could've been everthing he ever dreamed of. Road for Joy (c) 2016

i have two personalities. i could be either the shy and unapproachable  type or completely care free to literally everything. so  , i could either love you dearly or hate you to death.  that was until i met you.  Since then, nothing was definite I get completely flustered, or sometimes hyped up around you. I miss you even when i say i don't. i look for you after everying good or bad happenings. and seeing you would hurt me and happy at the same time. because all i could do is look at you,the rest would be off limits. in dramas, it'd be one meter away, you could say. and feelings stay mutually hidden. that's  how our tiny spark disappeared. and maybe it was just a hallucination, but then it was painful, but i didnt mind. i was about to ho crazy as nothing was clear. everything used to be just black and white. but you came, choices vanished, everything turned gray. you were the enemy who knew every secret and the best friend who'd stay beside ...