Road For Joy

She wanted attention. she wanted to be loved ... not just by anyone, but, the person she loves.. she gave her best to prove to him.. that she could be what he ever wanted  if only he gave her the chance.. She wanted to be the reason he smiles.. she was always right behind him.. But he never turned around  to look at her... he was too dense to notice.. he's always looking at someone else  the way she  wish he'd looked  at her. . She, who loves him in everyway.. chose his happiness,  instead of her own. A happiness  where she is never a choice. She, who never had the courage  to tell him how she feels.. gave up without even trying. She, who never had the chance quietly walks away.. and he'll never know, someone loved him enough to hurt herself.. when she could've been everthing he ever dreamed of. Road for Joy (c) 2016

i have two personalities. i could be either the shy and unapproachable  type or completely care free to literally everything. so  , i could either love you dearly or hate you to death.  that was until i met you.  Since then, nothing was definite I get completely flustered, or sometimes hyped up around you. I miss you even when i say i don't. i look for you after everying good or bad happenings. and seeing you would hurt me and happy at the same time. because all i could do is look at you,the rest would be off limits. in dramas, it'd be one meter away, you could say. and feelings stay mutually hidden. that's  how our tiny spark disappeared. and maybe it was just a hallucination, but then it was painful, but i didnt mind. i was about to ho crazy as nothing was clear. everything used to be just black and white. but you came, choices vanished, everything turned gray. you were the enemy who knew every secret and the best friend who'd stay beside ...

"It feels ... empty. no pain, no anger, no love. its as blank as an empty bottle. weird, i can't hear a single thing. What is he saying? ..why is he leaving? .." those were the last moment i remembered when you were still beside me IG- lgjp.rfj (c) that was how i felt back then, or maybe how i wish it was. I'm in denial, i know i can put them to words, but i don't want to hear them, maybe i don't want to admit it. how i felt was.. terrible. "ahh, it getting crumpled. it hurts, i might hit on anyone i see, i loved you. it like a message written in a squeezed paper. you wont get to see it the more crinkled it gets. i hear everything he says..its like i'll still remember them tomorrow. he's tired of everything, he said. he's leaving.. i can't complain anymore. ahh, it ended."  those were the actual thoughts i had. i must be an idiot for love. it wasn't empty at all .. My feelings were overflowing.. pain, a...