Posts

Feelings under Fire.

i don't hate you, i hate feelings. As it slowly takes over my mind as i slowly forget about myself, because i didn't love myself enough as i slowly love you a lot more, because you changed me for the better Yet i love you, that i forgot love is also a feeling. as i get so used to it , i couldn't imagine not feeling that way. as i get so used to it, i only see the good things about you, as i get so used to it, i didn't think that it could ruin me. i don't hate you, i hate me when i get feelings. When everything about myself no longer matter as long as you're happy when i hate myself a lot more when you start to hate me when everything is about you, and i unconsciously destroy me. And still i loved you, and i have no words to explain that feeling. even if i was just blinded by what i want to believe. even when you choose to be else where rather than beside me. even when this feeling did end up destroying me. I don't like it when you make ...

Reel to Real.

i knew our limits. i could see the end of what we have. i know none of this is suppose to exist. Everything was clear but every actions started to change. i used to just stare at you and not feeling anything. i got used to the affection and still not feel anything. i would usually say a few words ans not mean any of it. But maybe it seemed like i was denying it. maybe i wished to have an “ us “. maybe for a moment i wasn’t sure but i think i know. For a moment i wanted you, badly. for a moment i hoped you feel the same way. for a moment you were the only one i asked for. and at that same moment, i knew i can’t have all that and i had to stop

À Mon Amour | Sincerely yours.

Image
Credits to owners for pictures. Waking up from a dream Where it's you and me against the world without even a slight of sadness can be felt, Waking up from such dream, Finding a message that says, " Good morning" Nothing special but coming from you, it always sounds sweet. " Good morning" i replied, would you feel it too? how much i wish you knew, that you were the first thing i thought of as i open my eyes. Waking up to reality i pray for the best for you alone, and for us together that we'll be able to jump over every hurdle we see that at the end, our paths would always meet that such dreams CAN turn to reality. that such dreams WILL be OUR reality. Waking up to you, i know i had reached my first goal, That i would even hike the tallest mountain to tell you. That no ocean can be compared to on how deep my feelings are for you i knew the world has felt it too, that my...

Last Game.

Hi love, i know we don't match well, i never understood how to play your game, the joy of just going with the flow, the discomfort for every sacrifices that has to be made, the excitement of the possibility  of winning the best thing i could have our life and the pain for the chance of losing what matters to you most. How happy you can be if you found a good match how hurt you may be if you're left to fight this game alone. How everything changes in a instant because of one mistake How you end up being desperate to forget.. even the good memories A game i'm so bad at, but never stopped playing how i always give up at the end and restart all over again. i want to stop all that. i don't want to go through the same old love story with a predicted ending. i  hate the idea of losing a part of me all over again. i don't like the thought of opening up to someone new all over again.  i no longer like the idea of love, as much i wish i...

Random || Leftover Drafts.

What is there to hate about love? .. nothing. Why others don't let themselves involved with love? .. it hurts,doesnt it? i don't know if its idiocy or just how one chooses how to love. but sometimes, love can really ruin you, mentally and emotionally. To love is letting someone else get a grip of your life and how you get a hold of their life. If that mutuality isn't there, its could ruin you. It sucks how you have to let others take care of you, and give them the chance to hurt you. its just how it works...  Love is to sacrifice,  love is to let go when it no longer works out You know its love when everything about it irritates you, when it doesn't go the way you want it to but you just let it be, When you don't want to see them when you actually do. When falling in love scares you, what may happen?  nothing, they would simply just leave. Leave, because its too much to handle. Leave, because it hurt a little bit too much. Leave, maybe it woul...

Feelings Against Reality II

no one knew, what we had. no one knows what we have we don't know til when we can keep what we have. i'd like to call it unfair but we knew this from the very beginning. we won't get the chance to try and i turn speechless as i hear you say " i guess we're really forbidden" it's not suppose to hurt much, because we knew this all along. i keep looking for excuses, a reason to give it a try, an excuse that says what we think of is just on our minds. that there is no such thing as forbidden. a valid reason that says everything depends on the both of us  and not what other people think an excuse to push through what destiny wont allow. but i keep getting reasons to stop Reasons to leave.. Reasons to just accept the fact that this is impossible a valid reasons that says this is the end of what we have. That i wasn't suppose to feel this way. that our feelings in not acceptable in any way that not only destiny but we...

Lost again.

i tried to save us. i made sure we wont get ruined no matter what choice i made.  but before i even got the chance to do any of that, you just left. as i was trying to tell you how i feel, and who matters most to me. you were busy getting mad, and didnt bother to listen.  you were to full of anger you couldn’t look at me.  i knew my mistake, i was in the middle of telling you that i was sorry.  i was trying to tell you that i choose you over him and he knows. but you kept repeating. "its up to me to choose" .. as if you jump to conclusions that i had made a choice and that it was him.  you jumped to conclusion that i already love him, so you choose to stay away from me. you jumped to conclusion we’re completely ruined without even trying to save it. you say you’re not mad at me but i could tell you dont want to talk to me.  i knew that you could leave me easily.  i knew if there was anyone who would leave from the both of us i...