Road For Joy

She wanted attention. she wanted to be loved ... not just by anyone, but, the person she loves.. she gave her best to prove to him.. that she could be what he ever wanted  if only he gave her the chance.. She wanted to be the reason he smiles.. she was always right behind him.. But he never turned around  to look at her... he was too dense to notice.. he's always looking at someone else  the way she  wish he'd looked  at her. . She, who loves him in everyway.. chose his happiness,  instead of her own. A happiness  where she is never a choice. She, who never had the courage  to tell him how she feels.. gave up without even trying. She, who never had the chance quietly walks away.. and he'll never know, someone loved him enough to hurt herself.. when she could've been everthing he ever dreamed of. Road for Joy (c) 2016

i have two personalities. i could be either the shy and unapproachable  type or completely care free to literally everything. so  , i could either love you dearly or hate you to death.  that was until i met you.  Since then, nothing was definite I get completely flustered, or sometimes hyped up around you. I miss you even when i say i don't. i look for you after everying good or bad happenings. and seeing you would hurt me and happy at the same time. because all i could do is look at you,the rest would be off limits. in dramas, it'd be one meter away, you could say. and feelings stay mutually hidden. that's  how our tiny spark disappeared. and maybe it was just a hallucination, but then it was painful, but i didnt mind. i was about to ho crazy as nothing was clear. everything used to be just black and white. but you came, choices vanished, everything turned gray. you were the enemy who knew every secret and the best friend who'd stay beside ...

"It feels ... empty. no pain, no anger, no love. its as blank as an empty bottle. weird, i can't hear a single thing. What is he saying? ..why is he leaving? .." those were the last moment i remembered when you were still beside me IG- lgjp.rfj (c) that was how i felt back then, or maybe how i wish it was. I'm in denial, i know i can put them to words, but i don't want to hear them, maybe i don't want to admit it. how i felt was.. terrible. "ahh, it getting crumpled. it hurts, i might hit on anyone i see, i loved you. it like a message written in a squeezed paper. you wont get to see it the more crinkled it gets. i hear everything he says..its like i'll still remember them tomorrow. he's tired of everything, he said. he's leaving.. i can't complain anymore. ahh, it ended."  those were the actual thoughts i had. i must be an idiot for love. it wasn't empty at all .. My feelings were overflowing.. pain, a...

minsan, hinde ko namamalayan . "ahh iniisip ko nanaman siya.." minsan napapansin ko nalang " hays.. miss na miss ko na siya" at ng dumating ung araw na makikita na kita.. " hnde ako makalapit.. ang laki ng hadlang"  ano yung hadlang? mhm.. ako. oo tama, ako. ung takot na paano kung marealize ko na mahal paren  kita. ung takot ko na baka mapansin mong mahal kita at lumayo ka. ung takot na pag yayakapin kita, mahihirapan na talaga akong pakawalan ka. Tayo na matagal ng tapos na, at ikaw na matagal ng akong iniwan, hanggang  ngayon hinde ko paren alam paano ko pakakawalan. ung isipin na mawawala ka na sa buhay ko man lang di ko magawa. maninikip lng dibdib ko. at hahanapin kita hanggang maramdaman ko na andyan ka lang. Tanga ko ba masyado para magmahal ng isang taong iniwan nako? mali ba na hanggang ngayon pinipili kong hnde ka pakawalan? sa tuwing nangyayare na naalala kita,  kahit gaano pa kasakit ang mga nangyare, bkt hnde ko magawa na kalimutan...

They wont come out. those words i want to tell you I say things i don't  even want to say "yeah, its alright" That's  not it, I don't mean it. Walk back your way to me. tell me to hold on. "hey, tell me you don't want this to end..please" stay a little longer, i know it's  stupid but we can fix this together. "Please... Don't let go of me..."  ...he continued to walk away i ran after him, hold on to his back, and tried again. "please.. please stay.." i had tears falling down my face. i kept holding on tight. but then, "Til our roads cross again, when everything is at its best" "if we're  destined to meet again, who knows" and lost sight of someone so special to me  i whisperly tell myself. "I'll wait for you, unknowingly, i know i will." it 'll hurt, im waiting for something that might not even come back. unconsciously,  wit...

Remember? it started out with literally nothing. We started out with nothing. We didn't  know each other. We were two complete strangers, destined to meet. Two different  worlds, collide.  Then we got tangled to each other. Something unexpected like love happened.  suddenly stuck with each other, inseparable.  and we didn't mind. It was just you and me, and the rest didn't matter. Our dissimilarities blended well. there were  up and downs. but we stayed  strong. Until something beautiful,  turned to something completely broken. It just ended. just like how it all started, but the other way around. Two couples,  destined to separate. One beautiful world broken to half.  our strings ,once entangled, got cut off. and as years past, it won't matter. who we have hurt, moves on. who lefts us,continues to live their life. our love will be a lesson and a good memory. As i reminisce what ...

im shaking.. i want to cry. i want to get mad to the point where i'll end up crying. i want to hit you real hard but ,no. i can't sense that my tears will fall down my face anytime soon. i don't see myself being mad because i would be faking anger  because i'm not mad. But here i am all quiet like nothing is fine but is actually feeling damn suffocated. i feel so lost. i feel liked i'm completely crushed out that I no longer feel anything, anymore. I loved you sincerely. I gave most of time time to you. i had myself focused on only you. i didnt only gave up friends but even my alone time to be with you. so why?.. what was i lacking? what more do you want? why did you have to look at someone else? Am i not enough? i loved you..soo much Sometimes, people are blind enough to not notice that maybe what i need wasn't to cry out or to beat the hell out of a person to feel fine again. Sometimes people are blind enough to not notice even apologizing  doesn't reli...