Road For Joy

i don't hate you, i hate feelings. As it slowly takes over my mind as i slowly forget about myself, because i didn't love myself enough as i slowly love you a lot more, because you changed me for the better Yet i love you, that i forgot love is also a feeling. as i get so used to it , i couldn't imagine not feeling that way. as i get so used to it, i only see the good things about you, as i get so used to it, i didn't think that it could ruin me. i don't hate you, i hate me when i get feelings. When everything about myself no longer matter as long as you're happy when i hate myself a lot more when you start to hate me when everything is about you, and i unconsciously destroy me. And still i loved you, and i have no words to explain that feeling. even if i was just blinded by what i want to believe. even when you choose to be else where rather than beside me. even when this feeling did end up destroying me. I don't like it when you make ...

i knew our limits. i could see the end of what we have. i know none of this is suppose to exist. Everything was clear but every actions started to change. i used to just stare at you and not feeling anything. i got used to the affection and still not feel anything. i would usually say a few words ans not mean any of it. But maybe it seemed like i was denying it. maybe i wished to have an “ us “. maybe for a moment i wasn’t sure but i think i know. For a moment i wanted you, badly. for a moment i hoped you feel the same way. for a moment you were the only one i asked for. and at that same moment, i knew i can’t have all that and i had to stop

Credits to owners for pictures. Waking up from a dream Where it's you and me against the world without even a slight of sadness can be felt, Waking up from such dream, Finding a message that says, " Good morning" Nothing special but coming from you, it always sounds sweet. " Good morning" i replied, would you feel it too? how much i wish you knew, that you were the first thing i thought of as i open my eyes. Waking up to reality i pray for the best for you alone, and for us together that we'll be able to jump over every hurdle we see that at the end, our paths would always meet that such dreams CAN turn to reality. that such dreams WILL be OUR reality. Waking up to you, i know i had reached my first goal, That i would even hike the tallest mountain to tell you. That no ocean can be compared to on how deep my feelings are for you i knew the world has felt it too, that my...

Hi love, i know we don't match well, i never understood how to play your game, the joy of just going with the flow, the discomfort for every sacrifices that has to be made, the excitement of the possibility  of winning the best thing i could have our life and the pain for the chance of losing what matters to you most. How happy you can be if you found a good match how hurt you may be if you're left to fight this game alone. How everything changes in a instant because of one mistake How you end up being desperate to forget.. even the good memories A game i'm so bad at, but never stopped playing how i always give up at the end and restart all over again. i want to stop all that. i don't want to go through the same old love story with a predicted ending. i  hate the idea of losing a part of me all over again. i don't like the thought of opening up to someone new all over again.  i no longer like the idea of love, as much i wish i...

What is there to hate about love? .. nothing. Why others don't let themselves involved with love? .. it hurts,doesnt it? i don't know if its idiocy or just how one chooses how to love. but sometimes, love can really ruin you, mentally and emotionally. To love is letting someone else get a grip of your life and how you get a hold of their life. If that mutuality isn't there, its could ruin you. It sucks how you have to let others take care of you, and give them the chance to hurt you. its just how it works...  Love is to sacrifice,  love is to let go when it no longer works out You know its love when everything about it irritates you, when it doesn't go the way you want it to but you just let it be, When you don't want to see them when you actually do. When falling in love scares you, what may happen?  nothing, they would simply just leave. Leave, because its too much to handle. Leave, because it hurt a little bit too much. Leave, maybe it woul...

no one knew, what we had. no one knows what we have we don't know til when we can keep what we have. i'd like to call it unfair but we knew this from the very beginning. we won't get the chance to try and i turn speechless as i hear you say " i guess we're really forbidden" it's not suppose to hurt much, because we knew this all along. i keep looking for excuses, a reason to give it a try, an excuse that says what we think of is just on our minds. that there is no such thing as forbidden. a valid reason that says everything depends on the both of us  and not what other people think an excuse to push through what destiny wont allow. but i keep getting reasons to stop Reasons to leave.. Reasons to just accept the fact that this is impossible a valid reasons that says this is the end of what we have. That i wasn't suppose to feel this way. that our feelings in not acceptable in any way that not only destiny but we...

i tried to save us. i made sure we wont get ruined no matter what choice i made.  but before i even got the chance to do any of that, you just left. as i was trying to tell you how i feel, and who matters most to me. you were busy getting mad, and didnt bother to listen.  you were to full of anger you couldn’t look at me.  i knew my mistake, i was in the middle of telling you that i was sorry.  i was trying to tell you that i choose you over him and he knows. but you kept repeating. "its up to me to choose" .. as if you jump to conclusions that i had made a choice and that it was him.  you jumped to conclusion that i already love him, so you choose to stay away from me. you jumped to conclusion we’re completely ruined without even trying to save it. you say you’re not mad at me but i could tell you dont want to talk to me.  i knew that you could leave me easily.  i knew if there was anyone who would leave from the both of us i...

i'm scared, not exactly to fall in love, i'm scared of falling for you. The risk of getting hurt seems higher than being happy. i don't want to get attached but i think it's too late. i can no longer push you away, i'm scared, i think I've fallen for you already. this feeling i know, i'm not suppose to feel This feeling that makes me happy that at the same time makes a very sad story. This feelings that strangely feels like a crime this love that we best describe as forbidden . As i look at you through the phone and sighed heavily as my heart aches, I wished that i can pause this moment. As destiny forbids us, i wished that maybe at least i could tell you, without feeling any guilt I wish i could keep this love i feel. This happiness i haven't felt in a long time, As the timing is never right for us, and i'm just too weak to even try. i look at you as you fall asleep, how i wish i was there, or you were her...

One day you return On another day you disappear One day you express your love on another day, you're nowhere to be found. Am I inconsistent with my feelings  ? or Are you being a turn off for always disappearing? On one day you're out of reach on another day ,you are the clingiest one some day , you're cold on another day, it seems like you day is incomplete without me Are we playing the push and pull game? Or am i just assuming? Has i always been this unstable or am i just being played around? Why can't i hate you despite all that? What is it that makes you special, obliquely? i liked you years back.. i loved you since then.. But everytime you vanish, so would these feelings. Am i in love or is this a delusion? Road for Joy (c) 2017 unstable, in denial, and confused. 🐶🐢Fiction.

it isn't because i couldn't let go of you. it isn't because i'm expecting for more. these feelings appear once in a while, and when they do i try to hide them, but i always end up exposing them indirectly, unintentionally. It doesn't ruin the moment, or maybe we're just good in not giving a damn about it. It feels like it may explode anytime, but i always try the very best for it to not go out of control, at least not where you'll get to see it. These feelings are no where welcome anymore, not even to myself. i treasured them, i tried using this reason to keep them. They kept coming back, its not me. I ended up wanting to keep them. but just til there. i don''t want it to get any deeper, because you'd think i'm stuck on you. i don't want it to get exposed, because i don't like the idea of it. I did my best to show you that its okay if you don't feel the same because we don't want this back anymore, WE. but i...

On a day where feelings return. On a place where we suddenly reminisce. I'd smile through the happy moments Learn from the times i was hurt. I probably won't love less, nor would i choose to hurt others " it has always been you" sounds a bit too absurb but not false. These feelings that i don't know if they had disappeared then returned, or has always been there just hidden. I don't hate it, i don't wish to forget them. But they are also feelings i could no longer tell the world. How do i handle the feelings i'm not suppose to expose? How can i keep these feelings without having to burden the other half. Do i tell you tell once again that i love you? one last time, so maybe I would get tired of saying it. for the last time, so, maybe i'd stop expecting for the last time, so maybe it'll be enough so i will no longer need you beside me. for the last time, so maybe i will no longer care. Can i tell you i love you ...

Roses are Red Violets are Blue While i'm enjoying the color black on this day, i hope she have a colorful day with not just red roses and teddy bears but to enjoy a bouquet of chicken like any other girl would. To show more efforts than what she'd usually do, to appreciate you more than she normally do To thank you for everything you did. to sacrifice a little of her pride to surprise you to love you more and will always do. Roses are Red  Violets are blue, i sincerely wish for you the best What i'm going to say is the most fed up thing for today But,  Happy Valentines day to you. Road for joy (c) 2017 04/02/2017 Happy Black Day. :D

" Do you miss him ? .. "  No, i don't .. til you suddenly asked me. Now i do. i miss that it irritates me. i miss him that i wish i could just give him a calll i miss him that i wish it takes just one call to see him again. " Do you still love him? .. " No, i dont, .. til you suddenly asked me . Now i'm aware that i still do.. i love him and i wish he knew.. i love him that i want to tell the whole world. i love him.. enough  to hate myself. "Do you want him back?..." No, i dont... actually, i do.. But it seems so complicated to do so. But it seems so risky and i'm not willing to risk anything. But it seem too impossible because it already hurt me once. i want him back, that it annoys me  But i don't want to lose him any more. "Won't you have any regret? " i already do. Road For Joy (c) 2017 I loved you , I still love you , and I think I'll always do.

Unrequited in love. Lost in life. How mean could destiny be toward me? How do i know i'm at the right path to where i should be? How do i tell him how i feel without losing him? Months passed.. our hearts still confused. You were near yet so far.. And i continue to take one step away from you. And finally, i'm used to this painful feeling every time i remember you. A love that was almost there.. A Love that was too good to be true. A  Love with no words being said  and feelings being unknown. A Love that ended before it was given the chance to start. Months passed.. our hearts still hasn't healed. It aches my heart to not have you around.. It aches my heart that i can't get closer when you are around.. Eventually, You'll learn to stop yourself from falling.. But sometimes its just too strong it'll just ruin you. The End has arrived . Its wasn't what we wanted, but it just happened Destiny was never on our side. Every Treasured memorie...

I thought you'd be annoying. i thought you'd be a nuisance. i'd never thought you'd be important. i'd never thought i'd feel scared to love all over again. It started out as a joke. It started out like any other love story. It started out with being friends. and slowly hints starts to show up. Could he seriously be falling? or maybe its just an imagination. Are we really saying these as lame jokes? or is there some sincerity as they are being said. Will i be running away again  from something that could be the best thing in my life? Will i avoid the cliff again or stay at the edge knowing someone would catch me down there? Will i be alright if i let myself fall despite the risk of getting hurt? Will you leave me if i stay on the safe side? Will i lose you if this story end? Will i be able to handle another wound on my own when you disappear? I get lonely, because they tend to leave. I get annoyed, because they don't seem to understand. I...

i like you.. i'm not sure why .. it's not like you were always close by in fact you were no where near ever. i like you.. For the little things you unintentionally do.. the simple sweet gestures which gives me butterflies.. the lame jokes that i wish was true. the serious side of yours that doesn't last long i like you.. it started out with a little interest and a little curiosity .. I didn't have the chance to get to know you well but from a distance, i started to like you.

When the rain starts to fall... And when the sun rises... when i take one step away.. and when the truth is revealed. is it okay for me to stay ?... Before i go to sleep.. Right after i wake up.. when falling in love is no longer a good thing. when loving  you is no longer controllable. when leaving you is already impossible. is being left behind my only choice?.. do i just accept the pain and move forward.. will i be able to forget you if i try? would you even care if i leave? How different will my life be if you're no longer around? will it hurt less if i can no longer see you ? Can't you just tell me to leave?.. as it may be a lot more acceptable later. and it may be a lot more easier afterwards. Because i love you, i'll always choose to stay.. i'd choose you over anything else. No matter how much it may hurt. even if i'd cry. i'll still choose to be with you. Just tell me to leave.. so i'll be easier for me to understand why...

Should we just stop? should we just go back when everything just seems like a game? Should we just let go and live on our own? Should we just go on and live with out having each other around? Because it seems that nothing is working out. Because it seems like there is nothing left to hold on. But does it usually feels this way? i'd stay even if there's nothing left to hold on to. i'd still look out for you when I no longer have to. I would miss you enough.. or a little too much when i'm not suppose to. why now, when everything had ended? Saying I'm fine.. Saying it's going to be alright as long i have people around. No, it doesn't seem to work that way.. I'd look around for you. I'm sorry, I still do think of you. if only i could, i'd run back to you and confess.. "That i didn't mean everything i said. That i only want you to care.. that i miss you that i love you.. i really do love you.. Will you still accept som...

i dont know what to say. sometimes, i want you to stay. sometimes i wish you'd never come back and just live your life without me. I get confused.  Just how much do i actually love you? enough to let go of you, for you. stupid right?.. your were sincere,  i know. Appreciated. but is love enough? are these feelings enough to stay?  well it wasn't  for me.. it only means being hurt all over again. being alot more stupid again. i've had enough of those painful memories. Distance has always matter, Time never cooperated. everything felt wrong, including telling you how much i care. so i didnt bother,  with my strongest will i hid every feeling so i can be around you, so no one has to get hurts, or maybe so i wont go through the same old love story again, nothing was easy,  everything had to be thought of properly coz i had to give up before even given the chance to try. Letting go, when nothing has started. and Holdin...

" i missed you.. to the point where i would fly all the way to you if i could." " i did everything i could, Everything to keep myself distracted, everything to forget how it was to have you, i tried my hardest, used my strongest will to let go of you" " but damn.. nothing worked out" I told myself, " let's change.. everything" To be someone i never expected myself to be was what i basically aimed for. To let the Hidden characteristics that even i never knew i had come out of its cave. to have you regret, hoping that maybe you'd regret. But eventually fails.. Because i'd go back to how i usually am whenever you're around. to the old " ME" ..  the one who'd let anyone hurt her because she's used to it. the one who'd bottle up the anger she has, so everything stays peaceful. the one you fell in love for... The one you loved.. to that idiot weakling. with hopes of maybe you'd lov...